I went to a public school, which offered sex ed taught by the gym teacher in “Health” class. I remember him explaining all the entry points for infection on the human body. He was obviously very uncomfortable having to mention some of the orifices over and over, so, for the entire lesson, he mashed them all up into one word: “eyesnosemouthpenisvaginaanus.” (This became something of a chant at friday night football games.) He also demonstrated how ineffective condoms were at preventing transmission of HIV by throwing a tennis ball through an open door, the message being that HIV could get through a condom just as easily. The only thing this class instilled in me was mistrust in condoms and the inevitability of contracting HIV through my eyesnosemouthpenisvaginaanus, whether or not I chose to use one. Yeah.